Surviving workplace chaos, mindfully.

Conflict is an inherent aspect of human interaction, and nowhere is this more apparent than in the workplace. Let me share a scenario from a recent training session: John, a team member in an IT company, had been feeling increasingly frustrated with his manager, Sarah. He felt like Sarah constantly undermined his efforts and micromanaged his tasks. In response, Sarah perceives John as insubordinate and resistant to feedback. Their interactions became so fraught with tension, miscommunication, and unspoken assumptions that other team members could feel the tension when they were in the same room together.

Here is a snippet of one of the interactions between the two team members and how they communicated:

John: "You don't trust me to handle my responsibilities and are always on my back."

Sarah: "I need to ensure that tasks are completed correctly and on time. It's part of my role as a manager."

In this exchange, John focused on expressing his thoughts and his position, while Sarah emphasised the importance of her managerial duties focusing on her position. However, underlying these statements are unaddressed emotional motivations and unmet needs that both of the two adults seem to be oblivious to as they repeatedly talked right past each other.

As the conflict festered, resentment started to build, communication broke down, and gossip became a toxic undercurrent that eroded the company culture. (John and Sarah weren't the only two people with communication challenges). This scenario, however, is tragically common across companies and organisations across Australia and the globe and highlights the hidden costs of unresolved conflict in the workplace.

At its core, conflict is not just about differing opinions or competing agendas; it's about understanding what motivates people, and why individuals act the way they do with one person but not with another. The bottom line is that it is about unmet needs and unacknowledged emotions. Recognising and addressing these underlying factors with empathy and courage is crucial for resolving conflicts effectively and creating a thriving relationship and culture.

To understand this better, let's entertain the concepts of emotional intelligence and needs-based communication for a moment. Emotional intelligence involves your ability to perceive, understand, and manage emotions—both one's own and others'. It enables you to read body language, discern the tone of voice, and empathise with others' perspectives as the conversation happens in real-time, making the conversation about more than just the facts but rather understanding and engaging with what is alive in ourselves and the other person alike presently.

Needs-based communication emphasises understanding and meeting the fundamental needs driving human behaviour, a concept that successful leaders are familiar with and swear by. By prioritising empathy, curiosity and active listening, you will create a foundation of understanding first - before seeking to be understood. It's one of Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and for good reason, because it works, every time.

The traditional top-down hierarchy dominant in many workplaces is becoming increasingly outdated. People naturally yearn for respect and autonomy. Everyone feels and performs better when they feel seen and appreciated as an active part of the culture. You probably know this best from your own experience. Emotionally, employees push back against overbearing leadership in one way or another. As people, we need to be involved and are driven to want to play an active part in how we go about our daily lives, including at the workplace.

Mindful communication offers a much-needed antidote to this outdated hierarchical toxicity. By fostering open dialogue and mutual understanding with a genuine desire to understand and make a connection where people can see eye-to-eye, it transforms conflicts into opportunities for growth and collaboration.

Imagine the energy shift in a room when empathy and mutual understanding are applied from both sides. I am not saying everyone needs to agree. Rather, I am pointing to the emotional space where individuals seek to understand where the other person stands in their thoughts on matters and why it is important to them, before seeking to be understood from a different point of view. The change would be palpable.

Most conflicts are not about the matter at hand, but rather about the underlying current of opinions and judgements about each other and the attitudes, ideas and concepts that are being communicated. People are more willing to change their minds and take on different perspectives when they feel they have been heard and seen. It's not just a modern-day phenomenon or a clever way of doing business - it's just people's nature.

Moreover, understanding one's own emotions and thoughts is crucial. Self-awareness forms the bedrock of emotional intelligence. Without it, we become passengers in a speeding car without a driver behind the wheel cutting across the territory of someone else's farmland. Self-awareness and self-control empower us to navigate interpersonal dynamics with clarity and grace, and inevitably leads not just to better communication outcomes, but to a sense of general well-being in one's everyday life.

Conflict, far from being inherently negative, can serve as a catalyst for positive change. In our scenario above, imagine if John and Sarah approached their conflict with mindfulness and empathy. Rather than escalating tensions, they engage in a dialogue rooted in understanding and mutual respect. The conversation trajectory would be very different.

John: "I feel frustrated when I receive constant negative feedback on my tasks. It makes me doubt my abilities."

Sarah: "Thank you for telling me. I did not notice that it had this effect on you. As your manager, I want to support your growth while also ensuring the quality of our work. Let's find a way to make this work, how can I help you best moving forward?"

In this reframed exchange, empathy and understanding pave the way for constructive dialogue and collaboration. Conflict becomes a stepping stone to a more cohesive and productive work environment. Instead of circling the problem, the miscommunication was cleared and the focus can now be given to the solution from both sides, allowing a speedier process through open communication.

Ultimately, the choice between toxic conflict and mindful communication lies in our hands. Which approach will be more energy-efficient, time-effective, and cost-effective in the long run for you? The answer is clear: embrace the transformative power of mindful communication and watch conflicts evolve from obstacles into opportunities for growth.