Why being emotionally mindful will change your relationships forever.

Our emotions aren't rigit. We all can improve our emotional responsiveness by improving our availability for emotional mindfulness and internal dialogue. 

Consider this relationship quarrel. Sarah has been thriftily and saving for years. And now Paul, Sarah's partner, wants to use the money on a family trip to the Great Barrier Reef. 

Let's for a moment consider what needs Paul and Sarah would like to meet. Sarah may opt for the security of the family whereas Paul might choose the need for adventure and bonding. The question we want to ask in mindful communication is not where the difference lies but rather, what needs strategies are involved? 

Here is where we want to tap into emotional mindfulness. We must become aware of what emotional representation is present within, this can be a feeling, a visual representation or even an internal conversation that sits on repeat. Practice making yourself more emotionally available to your partner or friend's needs by beginning to listen in and hear the underlying messages. 

How can you grow your mindful communication skills and needs awareness?

To stay at the top of the game, you must ensure that you feel challenged and stimulated – but within reason! 

Do you remember what it took to learn to ride your bike? The excitement, the fear of crashes and near misses, the satisfaction when you finally managed to keep it going straight? 

Does riding your bicycle still bring you the same feelings today? Of course not, it’s now just something you do when you have the time or if you have to. 

To continue to thrive you need to be challenged and develop emotional awareness and develop mindfulness of thought. Once you get too practised at something, it’s easy to switch to unconscious autopilot. This leads to ignorance of what is happening presently, alienation from life and boredom. You stop taking part consciously anyway. 

It’s fine to go through the motions for mundane tasks like brushing your teeth or your way to work given you aren't driving a car. But life can quickly become boring and unfulfilling if you aren’t consciously challenged by it. A routine task or job gets tiresome we see this when people quit unfulfilling jobs or leave relationships, something seems missing for them. 

It’s important, then, to keep life alive. Introduce something a little daring into your day to day. Maybe you could launch a new initiative at your workplace or start a podcast or learn a new language? 

That said, though it’s good to be stimulated, just don't overdo it. Make sure you realise the needs involved and keep feeding this fire. 

How to manage mindful communication effectively?

The trick is to balance our needs by adding a little positive stress from new situations and complimenting them with secure feelings of assurance and calm. This is referred to as living at the edge of your potential. That edge of your comfort zone is a line that can be gradually pushed forward, keeping in mind not to overstretch it and pull your mental hamstrings to avoid psychological injuries. 

A good way to start challenging yourself, perhaps, is to learn a better way to communicate, start a gym membership or learn how to play a musical instrument. 

You could find small challenges everywhere in your daily life, if you look for them that is. To practice mindfulness you could, for example, walk more mindfully, paying attention to your surroundings and movement, the sights and sounds instead of daydreaming or agonising about your to-do list. 

How to implement emotional mindfulness into our day to day? 

We've looked at what it takes to practice emotional mindfulness. Let’s consider an example from the workplace to round things off. 

When we’re not emotionally mindful, we get stuck on the unconscious level. At that point, we need to take measures to free ourselves from unconscious inability and stuckness. 

For example: it's easy to get the wrong impression of someone when we are living inside our predictable mindset. The person might seem perfect, with an adequate job and a close family, but then, after you’ve exchanged a few words, you might get the sense that a nervous breakdown or a burnout might slowly be percolating to the surface and that he or she is trapped in emotional distress not knowing what he or she needs to solve this. 

When we’re not mindful of our needs and how we communicate, we feel trapped in feelings of anxiety or depression. 

Karen, a friend and former client, got entangled in just this way. She was a single mother, working a full-time job and being active in her networking association. She found that she struggled to keep her professional and personal lives separate. However, she did not show her distress to anyone or take the time to make changes. 

One time, her boss scheduled a phone meeting long after work hours had finished. Karen felt she could not say no to her boss, but she was also acutely aware that it would be embarrassing if her children could be heard playing in the background. She ended up taking the call in her wardrobe, crouching beneath her clothes in between boxes. 

It was right there, lodged in her cabinet, that Karen realized she had to move beyond her discomfort and seek more separation between her professional and personal life. She identified her needs and decided to talk with her boss and improve her situation. 

This is the great benefit of emotional mindfulness. It helps us make the changes we need to, to get unstuck in our lives and give ourselves what we need to be able to keep performing at our best. 

She summoned all her courage and entered the meeting. She needed to know and be able to verbalise her feelings and explain to her boss just what was wrong and what she needed. Here’s what she came up with. She expressed the challenges she had balancing her work and family life. She was struggling with perfectionism. She took the time to explain that while she loved her work after 5 pm was sacred family time. She needed it to connect with her child in a meaningful way and fill the shoes of two parents. 

The clarification helped all parties and Karen could finally stop feeling anxious and rest assured that as long as everyone's needs are communicated clearly life can remain wonderfully challenging. 

The lessons of emotional mindfulness and needs awareness. 

The lessons of emotional mindfulness are clear and they can be applied to work relationships and life generally. Remember to take the time to be mindful of your inner dialogue and what emotional patterns it represents. Move out of your comfort zone, challenge yourself and find creative solutions. The benefits are yours for the taking IF you know what your needs are.