How emotional intelligence can take away the pressure and stress.

You and I know that emotional intelligence enables us to be mindful of our emotions and the thoughts they birth and leverage them to reach our goals with less effort and more efficiency. 

The dominating question then is; how can you use the power of your emotions without them overwhelming you or leading you astray by building negative thought patterns? 

The answer is, that you need emotional intelligence, as it allows you to recognize and manage your feelings without being controlled by them. 

The first aspect of emotional intelligence is developing the ability to recognize and put names to your emotions. After all, you can't change what you can't name.

This step is essential to being able to manage your emotions and spot what is alive in you. Studies show that people who aren’t able to recognize their feelings are more prone to forceful bursts of emotions like anger or aggression. You and I know that these outbursts never occur at the right time. If there is such a thing as the right time for negative outbursts but always break through when you or others least need them. 

Once you are able to identify your emotions you need to become aware of what causes them. Often emotions arise from a situation depending on how you think about the situation and your place in it. For example, if a colleague of yours passes you on the street and doesn’t say G'day to you, you might immediately think that they’re ignoring you on purpose and you begin to tell yourself a story about that. This may make you upset or even angry. 

But, if you would take a mindful moment to think about why he or she failed to recognize you in the way you had unconsciously expected of him or her, you might find other more reasonable reasons that leave you less upset, but maybe fill you with a sense of understanding and empathy. The colleague might, for example, not have seen you because they were deep in thought about a project they are working on and weren’t paying attention to the surrounding environment of the busy city. 

When you begin to be mindful of your emotions, emotional intelligence can help you manage your thoughts and internal story and allow you to concentrate on achieving specific goals with a more stressless attitude created by understanding and conscious choices rather than assumptions based on fleeting emotions.

For example, imagine that you need to put in some extra hours for a project that doesn't give you much joy but since you are the project manager you don't have much choice the deadline is in 3 days. You don’t like the project very much and the tasks involved and you’d much rather take the weekend off to spend it with your family. Emotional intelligence can help you manage these mixed feelings and allow you to put your thoughts into perspective. 

Although the project may bore you, you could look at it from another angle. Maybe there is one aspect of the project that enthuses you. Also, knowing how finishing the painful project will make you feel, you can defer the gratification and save your potential enjoyment until you have time for it. Then your next weekend off with the family will feel much more deserved and joyful and you could stack the gratitude you feel for your efforts. 

Mindful communicators who manage their workloads in this way tend to do better, not just on the projects they work on or manage but also in their relationships with themselves and others alike.  

Next time you feel angry or frustrated or upset, take a mindful moment and pay attention to what is coming through your internal news feed and the story that is created. Use the old carpenters rule, measure twice cut once before you make a decision about what emotions and thoughts mean.