Stop running from conflicts and find solutions that work, here's how.
Have you ever found yourself sprinting away from conflict, desperately trying to avoid those uncomfortable conversations? You're not alone. Conflict avoidance is a common strategy to deal with the uncertainty that comes with conflict, but what if there was a better way to deal with conflicts?
Today I want to embark on a three-stop journey with you to explore how to stop running from conflict and, instead, face it head-on and resolve conflicts mindfully and effectively.
Know Your Outcome and Timeline
Imagine planning a road trip without a destination or a timeline. You wouldn't know where you're headed or when you'll get there. Of course, you wouldn't do that you say, but, what is so obvious to us when it comes to planning a road trip is often missed when we are going into a difficult conversation.
In conflicts, it's crucial to know your outcome and have a timeline in which you would like to achieve your outcome. Consider a situation where your team is facing a project deadline. Without a clear outcome and timeline, chaos quickly ensues.
For instance, picture a scenario where you're working on a collaborative project. The team is divided on the approach, and tensions are rising in the meeting room and tensions are starting to build. Instead of avoiding the conflict, address it head-on. Not by yelling louder than everyone else but rather by re-establishing the shared outcome – the successful completion of the project – and together setting a timeline for resolution. This clarity provides a sense of direction and urgency, turning conflict into an opportunity for growth.
In addition to knowing your outcome and timeline, it's essential to clarify expectations and responsibilities. Often, conflicts arise due to misunderstandings or differing perceptions of roles and responsibilities.
Establish open communication channels where team members can express their expectations and concerns without fear of reprisal. This proactive and structured approach helps in preventing conflicts before they escalate while fostering a culture of transparency and accountability within the team.
Understanding the importance of a clear outcome and timeline transforms conflicts from stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Understand the Emotional Needs Involved
Conflict often arises not from a difference of opinion but rather from underlying unmet emotional needs. Understanding these needs is the first step in resolving conflicts effectively. Enter Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs – a psychological theory that explains human motivation. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs organizes human needs into a five-tier pyramid: physiological, safety, love and belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization. People will often get stuck in lower-level needs without being able to move to higher-level ones and "come to the table" in the conversation. It does not matter if the conflict happens in a corporate setting, a building site or within the four walls of your family home those who are going through the heavy emotions that are being brought on by a conflict may experience first and foremost internal conflicts related to unmet needs on different levels of the hierarchy.
Consider a workplace conflict where two colleagues are at odds. Even though on the surface the conflict might be about the timeline, underneath it all the motivating driver for the behaviour of the parties might be their need for recognition and appreciation which is unmet. While the other might feel their need for a sense of belonging is overlooked.
By identifying these emotional needs and responding to them first, you can address the root cause of the conflict. Instead of letting the conversation run away with you, you can create an environment that nurtures and satisfies these needs in a safe environment, fostering collaboration and understanding.
By recognizing and addressing emotional needs, conflicts become opportunities for strengthening workplace relationships.
Of course, you can supercharge your team's skillset by investing in training programs that focus on conflict resolution skills as a proactive way to equip team members with the tools they need to navigate conflicts effectively. You can cover aspects such as active listening, effective communication, needs identification and negotiation skills. By enhancing the team's conflict resolution skills, you empower them to address issues above and below the emotional belt collaboratively and proactively, contributing to a more harmonious work environment.
Be Mindful: The Power of Tone and Body Language
I recall one person in a training workshop who said she wished she had a magic wand to decode the hidden messages in conflicts and you may wish the same - well, good news, there is one. Enter mindfulness – the practice of being present and aware in the moment. Mindful awareness of tone and body language makes the invisible visible, transforming the way we engage in conflicts.
Imagine a heated discussion where words alone fail to convey the full story. By being mindful of tone and body language, you can pick up on subtle cues that go unnoticed in the heat of the moment and pinpoint what need is presently not being met.
Perhaps a defensive posture or a change in tone signals deeper emotions at play. These cues provide valuable insights, allowing you to address the underlying need first rather than just the surface-level conflict.
Mindfulness in conflict resolution creates a space for empathy and understanding. It enables you to step into the shoes of others, fostering a collaborative environment built on mutual respect.
The most important ingredient though is a growth mindset. It is crucial in transforming conflicts into opportunities for personal and professional development. Encourage your team members to view conflicts as learning experiences rather than failures or rifts in the relationships.
Embracing a growth mindset and a willingness to be curious promotes resilience, adaptability, and a readiness to explore innovative solutions to challenges. Reframing conflicts as stepping stones to growth, and understanding the motivation arising from met and unmet needs and the resulting change in behaviour will give you and your team the opportunity to cultivate a positive and proactive approach to conflict resolution.
In Summary
Stopping the habit of running from conflict involves a holistic approach:
Know Your Outcome and Timeline: Like planning a road trip, clarity on the destination and timeline turns conflicts into opportunities for growth.
Understand Emotional Needs: Applying Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in a corporate setting unveils the emotional roots of conflicts, making them easier to resolve.
Be Mindful: The practice of mindful awareness of tone and body language transforms conflicts by making the invisible visible.
By incorporating these principles into your conflict resolution toolkit, you'll find that conflicts are not roadblocks but pathways to stronger relationships and personal growth.
So, the next time conflict comes knocking, don't run – face it, embrace it, and watch how it transforms into a stepping stone toward a more harmonious future.
For more info or help simply reach out and contact us today.