How mindfulness will change the way you live, love and communicate.
What’s in it for me? Mindfulness is the gift that keeps on giving without expecting anything in return.
From the time we wake up to the moment we get home from work, our daily routines can often feel like riding whitewater rapids of competing demands. To get through the hectic day, we mostly rely on habit, reacting automatically rather than responding mindfully and intentionally to whatever life, and other people, throw at us. Many of us want to reclaim control over our lives, but how? Let me share with you the superpower that is at your disposal 24/7.
The first step is to reclaim what you can control: your mind. The science of mind history books are full of effective mindfulness and attention training techniques rooted in both ancient wisdom and modern psychology. They reveal how mindfulness can change your mindset and help you appreciate the joy of the everyday.
We know that physical exercise is good for our health, but our minds need exercise too. This is where mindfulness comes in. Before we hit the mental mind gym and start working out, let’s clarify what is meant when we talk about mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the awareness we gain when we focus our attention on our inner sensations and emotions or our immediate environment. But more than this, mindfulness is a powerful tool to change our mindset. As we redirect our attention inward, for example, we begin noticing negative behaviour habits, like when we criticise ourselves harshly, turn assumptions into snap judgements or seek to control our environment and the people in it. By practising present awareness, mindfulness will help you to change these negative habits and encourage you to be more allowing, more open-minded, more accepting, and more receptive to positive change.
Practising mindfulness helps you to stop dwelling on the past, or mentally rushing ahead to the future but remain in the present where your potential is alive.
At its essence, mindfulness will allow your attention to remain in the present moment. And the truth is, we need to be present, badly. Did you know that the human mind focuses on the present moment only 53% of the time? That means you’re spending almost half your mental life being preoccupied with abstract thoughts – usually interpreting thoughts on what’s already happened, or anticipating what might happen in the future.
The reason for this is rooted in our biology. Like the rest of your body, the mind is primarily designed for survival. Evolution has equipped us with a mental alarm system that’s always on the lookout for threats and dangers, constantly anticipating the worst-case scenario. For our early ancestors, it was safer to focus on the pressing inner voice than to hope for the best in a potentially dangerous situation.
In the modern world, however, with its highly complex and fast-paced nature, our evolution works against us. Our mental alarm systems are constantly overwhelmed with information, distractions, and other stimulants. This not only makes the mindset of mindfulness a challenge – but it also makes it essential for our well-being and overall happiness.
Discover how you can start to reclaim your peace of mind by learning some basic mindfulness practices.
Learning just a few simple practices is all it takes to start being more mindful and present.
Here’s the first one: mindful breathing. You can do this any time, any place. It should be your go-to exercise when you feel your mind wandering, or when daily life throws a curveball at you and you need to calm down, quickly. Simply stop whatever you’re doing and redirect your focus to your breath: pay attention to the sensation in your nose as you draw in air, to the feeling in your chest as it rises with your breath, and then falls again and the tension in your neck eases.
Once you’ve followed your breath and you get the desired effects, you can move on to another fundamental mindfulness practice: the body scan.
For this exercise, turn your attention toward the sensations in your body. Start by focusing on the top of your head, and slowly move your attention down your body, finishing with the tips of your toes. Is any part of you tense, aching, or tingling, or feeling hot or cold? By noticing these physical sensations, you’ll also become aware of any emotions you’re experiencing. For example, if your stomach is clenched, it most likely means you are experiencing fear or worry. As you learn to accurately identify your emotions, you can use them as a source of valuable information. Body language for example is the unconscious expression of how you feel. Once you know what emotions are alive in you - you can use this greater awareness to make more meaningful choices – choices that bring you closer to the life you want to live, and the person you want to be.
The last exercise is called STOP, you have heard of this already, and it’s especially helpful in stressful situations. As you might have guessed, this is an acronym. The S stands for Stop because the first step in any challenging situation should be to simply pause, and recognize that your emotions need some space. The T is for Taking a breath, as this will help you calm down and call your attention back to the present moment. The O stands for Observe your direct experience (what is alive in you). Take a few seconds to investigate how you’re feeling, by noticing your bodily sensations, your emotions, and your thoughts. Last but not least, P stands for Proceed with empathy.
Finally, you can choose to practice metta meditation. For this exercise, focus on someone you know and hold them in your mind. Regardless of how this person feels about you or you about them, imagine this person wishing you well. Next, imagine yourself returning their warmth and kindness. Sit with this vision and sensation for a while keeping the scene alive in your mind. Finish the exercise by wishing these good things for yourself, too. Research has shown over and over again that metta meditation increases our compassion for both others and ourselves
Mindfulness helps you become a better communicator.
How many times have you listened to someone, but found that your attention had drifted elsewhere? You might be saying, “Hmm, right, I get that,” but half of you is already thinking about the next thing you have on. Sensing that you’re not that interested, your friend or coworker starts to talk faster with more intensity, and it becomes even harder to follow what he or she’s saying. Sound familiar?
When you listen mindfully, you focus all your attention on what’s being said to you. If you notice your attention wandering, just pull it back to the speaker. Although it’s tempting to jump in with your own opinion as the other person is talking, try to stop yourself from doing this and simply give the person the present space.
To check you’ve truly understood the other person’s message, briefly summarise what you think they’re trying to tell you, and ask them whether you’ve got it right. Give it a try – you might be shocked by how often you’ve misinterpreted what someone said.
Another key area of professional communication is email. Yes, there is such a thing as mindful emailing.
Think back to the last time you received an upsetting email from a coworker. Perhaps you found it unjust or belittling your work efforts. When this happens, it can be tempting to immediately fire off a defensive or aggressive reply.
But there’s a better way of dealing with situations like this. Firstly, pause before responding. Picture the other person, and think that, just like you, they also have needs, worries, and hopes for the future. Try to put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what they might be going through and what they might need from you right now. Once you’re in a more open and understanding mindset, reply to their email in a spirit of openness and collaboration.
Writing more considerate emails might not seem like much, but it can have a big impact on your workplace. In fact, research by the University of Michigan has found that greater compassion at work leads to reduced staff turnover, more collaboration, and more commitment to the organisation. So, before you hit “send,” take a moment to consider everything you have to gain, simply by being friendly and understanding.
Mindfulness practice feels like coming home.
Most people I know look forward to the end of the working day when they can spend time with loved ones, or simply enjoy an easy-going evening. So it seems ironic that as soon as we get home, often all we can think about is work!
If you struggle to pull your thoughts away from your work, then a mindful change routine can help you de-stress and relax. Take a moment to pause and take three mindful breaths. As you do, ask yourself these three simple questions:
· What are my thoughts at this moment?
· What sensations am I feeling?
· What emotions are alive in me?
If you’ve had a stressful day, you might become aware of some painful emotions that bear some tension in your neck or jaw. Don’t ignore these feelings, but accept them, and focus your attention on the part of you that is straining. Finally, send your awareness into the thought and body part as if you are laying a warm soothing blanket over it. If you struggle to do so, then imagine what you would say to a friend who was feeling down after a bad day, and mentally say these words to yourself and notice the change in your emotions.
Your mind has evolved to agonise about the future and dwell on the past. But you don’t have to be a slave to your neurobiology. Simple mindful practices can help you focus on the present, and appreciate the fleeting moments of joy, and serenity that only exist in the here and now.
Actionable advice:
· Remember to breathe and connect with your body.
· Avoid reliving moments past and dwelling on those emotions.
· Try not to entertain future scenarios that fill you with uncertainty.
· Remain present with the here and now and act when you can.
*Blog post inspired by Laurie J Cameron - The mindful day